Once on a Five-Ten Hold-Em table I sat,
Butting heads with a Guy named Nat.
When ever he bluffed people around would sigh,
Because he had this real bad twitch in his left eye.

Just give me the dough he always would say,
But no one would fold except for one this day.
Something was different we thought there was a glitch,
Cause his left eye never did twitch.

"He's not bluffing this time", we all said with a grin,
When he raked in the chips I asked, "Where ya been?"
He replied, "I've been to the doctor cause I fell in a ditch,
And while I was there, he fixed my left eye twitch!

When I'm out of a poker hand I hate when it takes forever.
People taking there time and trying to be so clever.
Heck! I could do my laundry, take a nap, and eat my dinner,
Before one of these callers ends up the winner.

Wake me up in time for the next hand,
I'm going to a warm place with plenty of sand,
But if I should wake before the turn,
I'll just make a pizza, I'm sure it won't burn.

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CARDS BUDDY!
LET'S GO! IS YOUR BRAIN A LITTLE MUDDY?
CHECK, BET, OR FOLD MR. POKERMAN,
I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT SOME TYPE OF PLAN!

Ok, now let's just take it a little easier dude,
Just sit back, take a deep breath and don't be so rude.
You're playing on line and the thinker is thinking,
Or he's gone to the john to do some tinkling!

I'm addicted to Poker and I play it everyday,
The time flies by so fast I forget what I was going to say.
Why just yesterday, I was in the middle of a hand,
When the phone rang, I picked it up and this is what I sang.

Please Mr. Bill Collector man I have a open ended straight,
Can't talk right now but I'll send that payment I know it's late.
Gonna play 3, no 4, no 5 more hands today,
Then I'll put it in an envelope so you can mark it paid.

Last time you called, I had a royal flush draw no doubt,
But because you bothered me I got timed out.
So you did your job today go away and don't bug me no more,
Let me get back to what I was doing I'm bluffing with a pair of fours.

Sitting across from me was a guy who played every hand.
I was confused and frustrated and trying to understand.
I stood up from my chair and with my hand I checked.
He didn't even take a peek and threw out a bunch of chips.

I scratched my head in wonder and wondered what to do,
What the heck was this guy doing was I going to get screwed?
I called his stupid bet and that's exactly what I did,
And that's when someone shouted, he's playing Captain Kidd!

Gathered around the table the people looked so impressed,
They didn't give a hoot that I was under stress.
Captain Kidd I thought to myself how come he has a nickname,
I've never seen nor heard of this guy in this hold-em game.

Ten, Eight, Five, Three and the last card was a duece,
My pair of Jacks don't look so bad but someone get the noose.
A Ten and a Four off suit he had I surely was surprised,
I stepped back and flopped my Jacks and the Kidd he almost died.

As I sit in my chair playin poker online,
I think about this site I play on all the time.
The support is good,
I'm never misunderstood,
And I think this is a pretty good rhyme.

At HP you can pick up a dime,
To get there there's a line you must climb,
It ain't so hard,
But ya may get scarred,
And I still think this is a pretty good rhyme.

Sitting at the table one day I was dealt a pair of dueces,
Everyone raised to the limit even the ones who were loosest.
When the dealer floped an ace, a king, and a queen, all hearts,
I thought my days were numbered and thought it wise to part.

But when everyone checked in hopes of catching whatever,
I said to myself, aw, what the heck, things may get better.
When the turn was a duece, my eye's oped wide,
I called all the bet's not thinking it might not be wise.

The river was another duece, oh, so happy was I,
I now had four of them oh you son of a gun you sly guy.
The first guy bet all the others did fold,
We raised each other back and forth which I thought was pretty bold.

When I turned over my dueces showing four of a kind,
Jaws dropped and I shouted, "Hey man, I was the Big Blind!"
When the cards he turned over was a ten/jack of hearts,
A royal flush he had making my heart beat off the charts.

So if you are thinking the odds are with you my friends,
Remember this poem and my friends it is true.
Throw away them dueces and don't be no fool,
What happened to me can happen to you!

I was sitting at this table waiting for it to fill,
And I sat and I waited and I just sat still.
Patient I was I had nothing else to do,
Except stare at my screen feeling blue.

Fifteen minutes I waited, and waited ten more,
"What's going on!" I said. "What's the score!"
After sitting for thirty minutes I felt like a nut,
When I realized my computer was froze up.

I turned it off, rebooted and sat down again,
Only to find the first hand dealt a King Ten.
The flop was an Ace, Queen, Jack all different suits,
Show me the money just give me the loot.

The turn was a 6 it didn't hurt me at all,
But the river was a Ace, there ought to be a law.
The guy on my right bet out like a cannon,
I thought I was cooked cause he sure wasn't funnin'!

It was just him and me going back and forth with ease,
Until midnight I think, on a saturday night in July 2003.
He finally just called and turned over his trip aces,
And me with a straight, you should have see the faces.

I tell you this my friends this night to remember,
Cause I haven't wrote a poem like this since September.
This poem should have been over a long time ago,
So I'll end it now.

I was dealt a sixty nine,
Looked at em for a real long time,
Then I called,
And started to ball,
Cause they're just as bad as this rhyme.

When they turned river card up at last,
A guy at the table called me a river rat.
I said, "If we stopped at the flop,
And they burned the turn,
You'd have lost in a flash,
Cause all you had was trash."
If they took away all the cards on the board,
Except the cards in your hand,
It would be called showdown you clown,
Not Texas Holdem, a game with a plan.
So buzz off with your name callin,
And stop with all that ballin,
Get a canoe, a raft or a boat,
And wait for the river and go for a float!

I pulled out my credit card, and deposited,
In hopes to get my money back for that movie he did

Down to the river we go,
as the betting went to and fro.
we flipped our cards to see who would win,
there I was laughing,
because he was bluff'n.

Now I got my money back, all happy with glee,
Ben Affleck, when you join you're next!
You owe me 11.50!

boom cha cha boom, boom cha cha boom, boom cha cha boom...

Dropped by the wife's crib,
She ain't ready to give,
Hit up her box,
And opened up firefox,
www.hollywoodpoker.com
That's the place to bomb,
Bro's sittin at Magnolia Ave,
With Mena Suvari - whom I gotta have,
I join as the big bald mafia boss,
And warn everyone to be ready for a loss,
Here I go pocket J's,
Ready to call anyone's pays,
Three of us see the flop,
Hell I'm ready to pop,
Two more J's layin' on the table,
Mena goes all-in 'n I'm able,
To call her bluff; Damn what's her stuff,
Call'n her was the best thing to do,
Until I realized she knew what to do,
Her Kings stopped my breathin' for a bit,
But I knew I couldn't quit,
Another K on the turn was all I could take,
Before I knew the river was my mistake,
I saw my good Lord on the back of the river,
Until it got turned and I started to shiver,
His face had turned into a King,
And my ears began to ring,
Hell, this is only a warning to y'all,
Be prepared this chick can play ball!!

I played a bunch of bad hands,
I played more than I could stand,
And - hey this ain't blackjack I said,
Or my online poker account would certainly be red,

Good poker is very hard to play,
I am learning new tricks and tips everyday,
One thing I knew right away,
I'm at Hollywood Poker to stay!

Along came the internet with a new site,
This one wasn't like the others I fright,
HollywoodPoker was the place to play,
Since it has a Hollywood Poker Night.

I missed the tournament a second time,
Michael Woods Invitational is prime,
When I can make it there look out,
I can bluff like this poem can rhyme!!

The big blind called and not even that.....
He pushed "All-IN"....Yes, every stack!
Feeling confident with rockets, I smiled and was pleased
I called his bluff.....flipped my cards....and he went to his knees

As he turned his hand, after the all-in
He noticed my rockets and he surely did not grin
I figured him for a high pair, maybe even big slick
but to my surprise, it was that thing....they call it the "SIK"

7-2 offsuit was all that he had
I caught him in a bluff....I had him and he was mad
He sat up from seat 8 and lowered his head
And mummbled some words, "Poop, I'm dead!"

The flop came out and to my dismay
Three sevens hit the board faster than Jeff Gordon on race day (for u racey)
Hoping for runner, runner...I bowed my head and prayed
but no help came... busted and I was on my way

A typical hand given on that site
it happens all the time....I know that I'm right!
They call it the pokerroom and it really sucks
Now I play at Hollywood and can make a few bucks!